{"id":38531,"date":"2022-11-25T12:12:10","date_gmt":"2022-11-25T12:12:10","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/potentialplusuk.org\/?p=38531"},"modified":"2023-04-11T16:08:27","modified_gmt":"2023-04-11T15:08:27","slug":"setting-copycat-kids-the-right-example","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/potentialplusuk.org\/index.php\/2022\/11\/25\/setting-copycat-kids-the-right-example\/","title":{"rendered":"Setting \u2018Copycat Kids\u2019 the Right Example! How to be a Role Model and Coach Constructive Reactions"},"content":{"rendered":"

[vc_row][vc_column][vc_column_text]What happens when your team loses? The rain falls? Or you can\u2019t find your glasses or keys?<\/p>\n

Do you shout and throw your hands in the air in despair? Angrily blame the referee, judges, weather forecaster \u2013 or even yourself for being \u2018so stupid\u2019? All of those reactions are common. But think of the children who watch and learn from your reactions. The high potential learners who are sometimes \u2018out of sync\u2019 with knowing how to behave and will copy your example?<\/p>\n

What if you could influence them into other, more constructive ways of behaving? Ones that encourage them to problem solve? To stick at a challenge? To find the silver lining to that rain cloud? \u2013 Well you can!<\/p>\n

Being a Role Model<\/h3>\n

With a little practice, you can be a role model to the children in your care and show them (\u2018model\u2019) a way of reacting and thinking (\u2018role\u2019) that is healthy for them.<\/p>\n

Role models aren\u2019t really the popstars, sporting icons or cartoon heroes. The young children in your care watch and learn from you<\/em> constantly; they are little copycats of so much of what you show, from how to talk and walk to how to determine if an experience is judged \u2018good\u2019 or \u2018bad\u2019. As they grow, even teenagers keen to show independence still have an eye on the \u2018parental modelling\u2019 shown to them as they gauge how to react to life\u2019s events.<\/p>\n

\u201cDo as I say, don\u2019t do as I do\u2026\u201d <\/strong><\/p>\n

When your child\u2019s team loses, do you find it hard to cope with them shouting, wailing and waving (like they have seen you do)?<\/p>\n

Is it hard to be tolerant when they have a meltdown every time their friend is \u2018better\u2019 at swimming, spelling or being rewarded by the teacher?<\/p>\n

And many parents are pushed to their limit when trying to get a child to school (or even a party) who feels disaster has struck due to a rain shower or because they, (like you), feel that they must be \u2018so stupid\u2019 because they have lost their bag, glasses or locker key\u2026<\/p>\n

Children with high learning potential are often quick to be discouraged unless they have been coached in how to meet and deal with challenges. If parents and carers can model more positive reactions, this helps not only their child \u2013 but the adult, too!<\/p>\n

What are the Main Areas of Concern?<\/h3>\n

It may not be easy to see for yourself where you could be modelling new, constructive behaviours. However, you could ask a trusted friend or partner for feedback on where your reactions aren\u2019t setting a helpful example to your children. Perhaps, without realising it, you are encouraging them to be anxious, selfish or demotivated. Or are you showing them how to react as though realistically small events might make them unwanted or are catastrophes that can\u2019t be overcome?<\/p>\n

A second suggestion is to see where your child appears to be reacting strongly. When do they have tantrums or meltdowns? What kinds of things do they seem to see as disasters? How do they describe themselves or \u2018self-talk\u2019 when they make a mistake? Some of these areas can probably be traced to them being copycats of your own role modelling and strong reactions. Take a look and see if you can identify these and begin to use gentler phrases, to talk about different sides to situations – win solutions and to voice a more positive attitude (even if to start with it\u2019s hard to really feel it inside).<\/p>\n

Modelling Specific Behaviours<\/h3>\n

Using the above insights into your own child with high learning potential, here are some ideas and resources to explore:<\/p>\n

You don\u2019t win the lottery or your team loses – in international sports or a family board game!<\/span> <\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n

You before: <\/strong>\u201cOh what a disaster! The team might as well pack up and give up!\u201d \/ \u201cI\u2019m glad you showed me, but I\u2019m clearly not cut out for chess! I just wasted my afternoon.\u201d \/ \u201cThere\u2019s absolutely no point<\/em> entering the lottery because you never<\/em> win!\u201d
\nCopycat kids learned then:<\/strong> Give up at the first hurdle. There\u2019s shame in practising and taking time to improve. Success is based on an immediate and specific result.<\/p>\n

You now:<\/strong><\/span> \u201cI see that the best team won on the day and the others had some good moments but also need to look at and learn from their performance.\u201d \/ \u201cIt was fun to spend time together. Thank you for trying to teach me chess; I\u2019ll get a book out of the library and we can try again.\u201d \/ \u201cWhen I think calmly, I know it would be rare to win the lottery \u2013 and anyway a lot of the money goes to charity, so that makes it worth it.\u201d
\nCopycat kids learn now:<\/strong> <\/span>Balanced thinking. Trying again and being resilient \u2013 but not expecting to \u2018win\u2019 or have the right answers 100% of the time.
\n
\nThis links to: <\/strong>Growth Mindset and Resilience; 10 Questions about Mindset and High Learning Potential<\/a>, \u00a0High Learning Potential Parenting: \u201cCan\u2019t Cope?\u201d \u2013 Try Nurturing A Growth Mindset<\/a> \u00a0and \u00a0Resilience and High Potential Learners <\/a>.<\/p>\n


\nThe rain falls or things don\u2019t go to plan<\/em><\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n

You before:<\/strong> \u201cNo, we can’t<\/em> go out – it’s raining! Nobody likes getting wet! I hate the weather in this country. Nothing is going right today\u2026\u201d
\nCopycat kids learned then:<\/strong> Limiting beliefs and inflexibility. Absolutes and extremes. \u2018Black and white thinking\u2019.
\n
\nYou now:<\/strong><\/span> \u201cWe can<\/em> go out soon. It doesn\u2019t matter that it\u2019s raining, but I\u2019d rather not get wet today. Instead, let\u2019s think of all the plants, animals and buildings that have needed this rain. We\u2019re so lucky to have greenery around us and enough water to drink. There are always different sides to every situation! It\u2019s good for us to learn to be flexible.\u201d
\nCopycat kids learn now:<\/strong><\/span> About grey days and grey areas! The value in seeking the \u2018silver lining\u2019 in a cloud.
\n
\nThis links to: <\/strong>Perfectionism; Perfectionism <\/a>.<\/p>\n


\nLost glasses, keys, etc. or being forgetful and disorganised<\/span>\u00a0 <\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n

You before:<\/strong> \u201cAaaagh! Where did I put my keys??!! Whyyyy am I so stupid??!!\u201d
\nCopycat kids learned then:<\/strong> Total rejection and harsh self-criticism. Blame. Being helpless.
\n
\n<\/strong>You now:<\/strong><\/span> (Gentle laughing) \u201cI need to get better at organising myself! Who can help remind me and what system can I put in place?\u201d
\nCopycat kids learn now: <\/strong><\/span>It was their planning and organisation (not their selves<\/em>) that weren\u2019t up to the challenge \u2013 and these can be worked on!
\n<\/em><\/strong>
\nThis links to: <\/strong>Executive function and learning skills; Executive Function Skills – Simplifying a Young, High Potential Learner’s ‘Thinking’ and ‘Doing’<\/a>, Self-Regulated Learning – Being Aware of How You Learn Best <\/a>\u00a0and advice sheet PA522 Executive Function Skills<\/a><\/p>\n


\nClothes or the environment aren\u2019t right<\/span> <\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n

You before:<\/strong> \u201cI can\u2019t wear wool! It\u2019s so hot and scratchy!\u201d
\nCopycat kids learned then:<\/strong> Defeatist attitude and a \u2018fact\u2019 that things are that way.
\n
\n<\/strong>You now:<\/strong><\/span> Sometimes wool itches me \u2013 but sometimes I am fine! I have learned I\u2019m fine with a wool mix or if I have a shirt under my jumper. Wool is actually very natural and it\u2019s great at keeping me warm when I get the layers right.\u201d
\nCopycat kids learn now: <\/strong><\/span>It may take effort, but there are ways to cope with uncomfortable clothes like school uniforms, loud noises, bright lights, etc\u2026
\n
\nThis links to: <\/strong>Sensory Processing Difficulties (SPD); Sensory Sensitivity<\/a> \u00a0and free advice sheet \u00a0F05 Sensory Processing Disorder and High Learning Potential<\/a>.<\/p>\n


\nLearning difficulties or other disorders create hurdles <\/em><\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n

You before:<\/strong> \u201cIf only you didn\u2019t have these issues with your Autism \/ ADHD \/ Anxiety \/ Dyspraxia (etc), we could join the group and enjoy the party games!\u201d
\nCopycat kids learned then:<\/strong> Being not good enough and giving up. Being defined by the areas that challenge them and not by their strengths. Being an outsider.
\n
\n<\/strong>You now:<\/strong><\/span> \u201cHow can we change things or plan ahead so that you are able to join the group? What games would you enjoy \u2013 or would you rather watch? How can you be proud of your growth today? What inspirational figures are there as role models for you with these same challenges? You can do this!\u201d
\nCopycat kids learn now: <\/strong><\/span>It\u2019s possible for them to push the boundaries of their comfort zone and to follow in the paths of other<\/em> role models as well as you; those who have begun to break down some of the same barriers to success and happiness.
\n
\nThis links to: <\/strong>Inspirational Figures<\/a>[\/vc_column_text][\/vc_column][\/vc_row][vc_row][vc_column][vc_separator color=”black” border_width=”2″][vc_single_image image=”38533″ img_size=”full” alignment=”center” title=”Skills Builder”][vc_separator color=”black” border_width=”2″][\/vc_column][\/vc_row][vc_row][vc_column][vc_column_text]About the author:<\/strong>\u00a0Gillie Ithell is writer, adviser and Advice & Information Officer for Potential Plus UK, holding a B.A. in Modern Languages & Communication and further qualifications in mental health. Having worked internationally as content manager of classic board games and \u2018edutainment\u2019 software, Gillie now writes to inspire others like herself; on a daily journey with High Learning Potential. <\/em>[\/vc_column_text][\/vc_column][\/vc_row]<\/p>\n<\/div>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

[vc_row][vc_column][vc_column_text]What happens when your team loses? The rain falls? Or you can\u2019t find your glasses or keys? Do you shout and throw your hands in the […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1002852,"featured_media":38535,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"give_campaign_id":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[196,799,525],"tags":[688,457,710,709,568,248],"class_list":["post-38531","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-focus","category-skillsbuilder","category-wellbeing","tag-failure","tag-growth-mindset","tag-losing","tag-modelling","tag-perfectionism","tag-sensory"],"yoast_head":"\nSetting \u2018Copycat Kids\u2019 the Right Example! How to be a Role Model and Coach Constructive Reactions - Potential Plus UK<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Perfectionism, not going to plan, disorganised? 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